Jealousy - Green Eyed Monster or a warning?
I wasn't going to write about jealousy, but this is a special request (just for you George!)
Having agreed, I began to take notice of how much of this insidious green monster is actually around. I am quite taken aback. Not only because of the quantity, but in how in manifests itself and even more so, how many people put up with it from their partners in their every day and innocently led lives.
This is what wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy says about jealousy
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat.
According to many authors, jealousy is a complex emotion, meaning that it is not possible to provide a simple and immediate description of it, as it would be for “basic” emotions like joy or anger. A definition that expresses this character of complexity is “a cognitive elaboration of basic emotions” (Prinz, 2004, p. 93). This means that the experience of jealousy as felt by humans appears to be not merely sensory, showing some characters of rational elaboration and instinct. In addition, it is a common fact that the experience of jealousy can last much longer than the one of a basic emotion like anger, without losing its original intensity.
I have several friends whose experiences I want to highlight. One has been married for 20 years, is happy, loves her husband, and has four children. Yet, her husband doesn't like her going out with female friends, even at lunch-time. Bless her, and in my opinion wrongly, she gives in so she doesn't rock the boat. Is there a reason for him to be jealous? No. He doesn't know how lucky he is, my friend is devoted to him and wouldn't dream of even flirting with another man.
Another friend can't be away for more than ten minutes at a time without her husband of 13 years phoning her and asking where she is and what she's doing and when she'll be back.
Friend number 3's husband has a different approach altogether. He says nothing. He asks nothing.
But the moment her back is turned he goes through her handbag, checks all calls on her mobile phone, and rings all her friends asking where she was last night and who she was with.
Is it a sickness? Should these women put up with this? It wouldn't suit me, but how can I say its wrong for them. Its their journey, and they obviously love their husbands enough to put up with it.
Here are some words taken from www.nomorejealousy.co.uk
Nothing can ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.
Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.
No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. So what causes jealousy?
"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them." — L. Ron Hubbard
So what does cause jealousy? Digging deeper, I often wonder if the jealous person has an issue with him or her self. That its themselves they can't trust. I wonder if they were totally at peace and secure with themselves, they would not feel fearful or anxious when their partners were out of sight mixing with other people.
Of course jealousy has a much much darker and more violent side. The physical abuse, the emotional and mental abuse. I can't write about that because I have never experienced that, nor do I know anybody who has been in that appalling situation.If jealousy is an issue in your relationship and you are uncomfortable with the results, then I urge you to seek help.
Please phone me or e-mail me anne@realmotivation.com
to get help and to begin a new way of life
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